Hospice volunteering is about sharing, listening, giving and receiving.
From July to late October, three hospice volunteers did just that with Lilyan in the Palliative Care Unit at Northumberland Hills Hospital. During that time Lilyan won the hearts of the volunteers with engaging stories of her long life. She celebrated her 95th birthday with a party organized by her friend Millie Smith and volunteer Dorothy Sommerville.
“Did you hear about the champagne,” Lilyan asked with a twinkle in her eye?
Hospice Program Coordinator Karen Anderson learned of Lilyan’s love of her homeland, Scotland, and provided an afternoon in the sunshine outdoors, complete with piper Gord Hunter dressed in Scottish finery playing some favourite tunes on the bagpipes.
Suzanne visited regularly, spending time reading to Lilyan from Bill and the Kid and other books.
“It’s nice to have some little stories,” Lilyan said. “It was about a baseball game.” When volunteer Bill visited the two talked about their love of gardening, even sharing plants from their gardens.
“Anybody who loves gardening loves to talk about gardening,” Lilyan said. “Bill brought me a beautiful bouquet on my birthday. I wanted to write a thank you card to Bill, but thought his wife might not like it, and then I laughed.”
When Lilyan was a child, her father was called back to England to serve in the First World War.
“We left here in 1914 and were on the first ship back after the Armistice was signed Nov. 18, 1919,” she said. “There were still renegades in the water and we were escorted by submarines through the Irish Sea. They closed up the ship so it would float longer if it were struck. I had a brother who was born April 18, 1919 and he was a babe in arms. We came back to Halifax then on to Brantford. In those days Brantford was a very busy city with every kind of manufacturer you could think of.”
Lilyan marveled at the changes she has seen during her life, noting how much airplanes have changed. “Helicopters fascinate me,” she said. “In my day girls weren’t supposed to think of things mechanical. We were supposed to think of flowers.”
Lilyan worked at a variety of jobs, from staffing a children’s wear department and a sweater department at Eaton’s in Toronto, to working on the switchboard at Eaton’s and Simpson’s, dealing in stocks and bonds with National Trust and working for an answering service in Cobourg.
Lilyan describes herself as a long liver, a description her father had for the longevity of family members.
Lilyan and her late husband, Edward, settled in Cobourg 35 years ago after living in Picton for a few years. “We took trips across Ontario after we left the farm and stopped in Cobourg for dinner one day,” she said. “The people were nice and we took a walk around. We settled in Cobourg and have never been sorry. When you get a nice town and nice people you’ve got it made if you’re smart enough to realize it.”
Sharing the stories of her life was easy for Lilyan, including the story of marrying her husband – twice. They married when they were young but parted ways after several years.
They remained in touch and when Edward was awaiting surgery to remove a tumour from his stomach, he told her one-day he would like to get married. “I asked him who he was going to marry and he said, ‘I’d like it to be the same girl I married before if she’ll have me,” Lilyan recalled with a grin. “It was alright with me. We went to the town hall in Pembroke and got married. There was no big to-do about it. It was all familiar.”
Since 1987 Lilyan lived at St. Peter’s Court, in Cobourg, where she felt safe and liked the fact she could walk downtown. She drove until she was 91 before deciding her eyes weren’t good enough anymore and she gave up her driver’s licence.
Asked about her experience with hospice, Lilyan said, “My only experience is a good one. The volunteers think of everything and I don’t have to think of anything.”
On the other side of the coin Bill says, “As a hospice volunteer, I do my best, helping health care staff, family and friends of people with serious illnesses, often in palliative care.
“But the more time I spend with them as they face life’s final battle, the role is reversed. They are there for me. I listen and learn and my life is enriched through the
stories, knowledge and strength shown by each and every person I have volunteered with.
“Lilyan is an inspiration to me, never complaining, taking each day as it comes, greeting me always with a smile that lights up the room.
“We talk, exchange travel tales, I learn a lot about Scotland, reminisce about life’s experiences and adventures, Bill says. “Hearing her laugh, seeing her eyes sparkle as she smiles, tells me there is more to some of her adventures than she is willing to share with me. It also tells me of a full, interesting life with few regrets, other than time has gone by too fast.”
Talking about final arrangements for herself, Lilyan isn’t emotional. “I’m prepared, everything is pre-paid and organized,” she said. “I’ve always been the mover, not the shaker. I like to keep going. I’ve spent my life the way I wanted and enjoyed every minute of it. I’m ready.”
In early November, with family at her side and kind thoughts from her new friends surrounding her, Lilyan died. On one of his last visits, Bill told Lilyan how much he enjoyed getting to know her over the last few months during their long chats. Lilyan smiled and said simply, “Thank you Bill.”
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